Thursday, September 02, 2004

True Confessions of a Heart

-=[2nd September 2004, Thursday]=-
Feeling: secretive; venue: at home

Hello all! *waves* This is Anna's heart speaking. Yes, the heart that pumps blood around the body system, engine of the red fluid movements. I had crept here quietly to sneak on her while she was sleeping away like a baby. I can't take it anymore. Her emotions are stressing me out. The things she does now are always so sudden. So full of uncertainty.

Currently I am full of scars on me. Each time I get broken, I took my time to heal. She wanted me to heal too. Each time she thought that I got healed completely, she got attacked by the negative forces again. Thus opening up old wounds, and having brand new wounds too. Old wounds do need time to heal. The surface stitches that held the open gaping wounds closed together got fused up, but not the internal. With the pressure and opening up of new wounds, the old ones will need double time to heal. I have always been a very fragile organ. In fact I am the most fragile organ that she has. I get chipped off too easily. I have lost many little bits and pieces of myself already. Through all the chippings, I have shrunk in size, from a big warm passionate healthy heart, I am now shrunken into a small timid sick organ.

Anna is not the kind of strong girl that you see on the surface. But then again, nobody is as strong as they seem on the outside. Everybody puts on this facade on the outside, trying hard to conceal the fragile whimpy inside. Alright, perhaps not everybody, but majority.

Anna is actually just a very simple girl, a simple naive girl who is very fragile. She does not ask for the sun nor the moon. Neither has she been expected to be swept off her feet and be whisked off to some heavenly paradise and be pampered there forever by some Prince of Wales; nor has she ever dreamt of having some riches of the material world. In fact she has never expected much from even friendship. She also does not dream of having some fantasy job or life or expectations. NO no no no no she is just not like this. ALL she ever WANTS is to be HAPPY. It makes her happy when her family, friends, students and any other loved ones around her are happy. Yes that makes her very happy. But she also yearns to be happy on the INSIDE TOTALLY. She can't be happy when she has been hurt constantly, all the time.

Anna is very thankful to GOD for filling her up with his presence and his love. Anna is very thankful to GOD for all the blessings and lessons learnt all these while. She really does. She is also very grateful for the angels that is in her life and also went past her before, one way or another. She loves her kids, her close frens and family too much.

Tell you a secret, Anna is quite strong in some sense, but she also gets hurt very easily. Then a new line will form on me again. She usually gets hurt when people close to her hurts her. It hurts her the most when people she treasure or loves hurts her. Then the crack on me will be real deep. She always hides her hurt. She don't wanna whine much to people becoz she dun wanna bother them. Thus she always keeps to herself. She does open up mostly to Tricia, her closest soulmate, who had seen her through the toughest time. At least she open up everything to Tricia. Even so, she also will select the appropriate time to pour out to Tricia. She will open up to Tricia only when she is sure that Tricia herself is not having any big problems of her own.

Other than her hurt, she is always exactly who as she seems. What you see is what you get. She shows you the truth as who she is. Coz she doesn't believe in hiding what she thinks and feel; she doesn't believe in putting on a fake smile or fake expression; she doesn't believe in pretending to be 'ok' about situations when she is not happy about it. She is always herself; except of coz when she is hurt.

Ok it's getting pretty late, I better sneak back before she awakes. She is being stirred up in her sleep now. If she awakes and find me at her comp, she is gonna scream her head off. Haha!! I will be back for part 2 !!!!

xia0miLk scribbled at 1:43 pm.