Its Great Being a Singleton...
-=[29th August 2004, Sunday]=-
Feeling: sad; venue: at home
10 ways a boyfriend can break Anna's heart..
1) Take her for granted
2) Take her as a trophy Queen and perhaps victory conquest too
3) Doubt her when she is putting in effort
4) Not wanting to hear out and solve a problem when she detects a problem in the relationship and she wants to solve it by talking things out
5) Ignore her / Make her feel like a sex thing?
6) Purposely leave her in doubt
7) Object to her attending church
8) Unreasonable demands
9) Make her feel not part of his life by purposely not spending his bday with her (just he is pissed with her?)
10) Criticize her and demoralise her when all she needs is encouragement
Its great being a singleton...
xia0miLk scribbled at 2:42 pm.
(2) Tears of the bear
The Meaning of My Name
-=[28th August 2004, Saturday]=-
Feeling: amused; venue: at home
Anna
Your first name of Anna has given you a sociable, kind, and thoughtful nature. Your sensitivity and sympathy to the needs of people causes difficulty when you need to be individual and maintain control over your feelings. You can be easily hurt and emotionally upset and, because you become so closely involved with people, you can be unduly influenced by them, sometimes against your better judgment. You are inclined to put things off until forced to take action. You accomplish more working with people who encourage and inspire you, and particularly those who can give you confidence by laying out a step-by-step pattern for you. You do not take life too seriously, because you tend to live for the day. It is not typical of you to plan ahead, to think of the consequences of your actions, and to set meaningful objectives in your life. You are more likely to drift into experiences, benefitting from social contact and the attractiveness of your personality. You have felt insecure in learning and adapting to new things, and have struggled with lack of concentration and persistence to make a success of your efforts. In the health, you would experience skin conditions because of a rich diet, and also fluid problems affecting the glandular system and kidneys.
Brought to u from NameQuiz
xia0miLk scribbled at 8:59 pm.
(0) Tears of the bear
I Am Speechless...
-=[28th August 2004, Saturday]=-
Feeling: speechless; venue: at home
Being a teacher in the classroom, one will always yearn for attention in class. Attention as in, the correct type of attention; that is, to pay attention and thus absorbing what you have taught to them. Rite now, I do not know if I should feel complimented or disturbed...
Just some weeks back, I happened to bump into an ex-student that I used to be on very good terms with. (*Note: I have taught before in MORE than one school so do NOT attempt to guess who it is) He was a very hardworking boy and I enjoyed his presence very much. He has this goody-goody outlook that always give me a very very good impression. He was a great help to me during my stay in school. When I first got hold of wind that he was mixing with some bad influence and had picked up smoking, I was very disappointed but I kept quiet about it. He didn't know that I knew about it.
Two days later after the 'bumping' incident, he smsed me, asking me if he could now call me by my name 'Anna' now that we are no longer teacher-student relationship, and for a chat. So obviously I will welcome that chat (I was abit surprise coz though he was a great help to me, he wasn't close to me like the rest of my monkeys).
As we were chatting over smes, he told me stuffs that shocked me awfully. I was so taken aback that I was really FLABBERGASTED!! TOTAL DUMBSTRUCK!! He actually said I was his sex goddess; that he has seen my g-line quite a few times and such... I really didn't know how to react. I was in total shock. The goody-goody religious boy who attend religious classes so religiously had such thoughts about me.. Eventually the usual dumb-pea-brain-me had to act cool and just told him: "I think you are very brave to tell me these." HOW BRAINLESS CAN I GET!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Apparently my answer had actually encouraged him to tell me more..
Over the next 2 weeks or so, this brave boy opened up and told me more and more...
He told me his private stuffs like his sexual cravings etc; stuffs like he having this special liking for me, not love but just a special kind of liking that he has for me; he likes the way I speak, the way I dress, my short denim skirt, my hair with those curls etc (he finds short chinese chicks cute); Me being his moon goddess (*note: moon goddess is from this storybook, where when men see her, they get so horny but yet can't get her so they will masterbuate on the spot instead) etc etc. The ultimate thing came. --> He asks me if I wanna have sex with him. I couldn't contain my shock. My mouth opened real wide but no sounds came out. I wanted to blurt out at least something but still nothing came out. I was dumbstruck. I had temporarily lost the ability to make even grunting sounds. Immediately I rejected the offer. NO WAY am I gonna do it. NO WAY. NO 2ND THOUGHTS. PERIOD.
I still have my own moral ethics. A teacher and student will be teacher and student. The maximum line it can stretch beyond will be being good friends with one another. period. What is a teacher's role in a student's life? To guide them along the growing years, to teach them the correct values and ethics, and perhaps not to solve their problem for them but to teach them how to solve their problem, and along the way, holding on to their hand as they go thru the difficult task. There will always be a line drawn to have that boundaries. It is simply WRONG for a teacher and student to have any sexual relationship. It is just so VERY WRONG. period.
I am not gonna judge him based on what he had confessed to me. He is still a growing boy, struggling with issues of adolesences and sexual stuffs that he may still be exploring. Since he is a male, I guess it is pretty normal that he has this high sexual drive. I am in no position nor right to tell him of what is correct or not correct, what to do and what not to do. Since I am currently also struggling with my own problems and stands. I do not condemn anybody since GOD also do not condemn me.
Hope this silly boy of mine is doing fine in school. I will still be there for him as a teacher and student, or the max, as friends ONLY. I will still be there for him as a helping hand, crying shoulder for him to vent his frustrations on. That's all. GOD bless~
xia0miLk scribbled at 12:49 am.
(4) Tears of the bear
Kinky: Congrats! You are one hell of a kinky person! And for that, I give you major props {not just a metaphor} and envy whoever it is that you make happy! Keep up the good work!
Just How Kinky Are You? Brought to you by Quizilla
xia0miLk scribbled at 5:47 pm.
(6) Tears of the bear
I LOVE THE KIDS!!!!
-=[20th August 2004, Friday]=-
Feeling: emotional; venue: at home
Four years ago when I ventured into the secondary school as a young teacher, I wanted to be an inspiration for the kids. I wanted to be their candle in the dark, 'big sister' in crisis, shoulder to cry on, friend of their smiles, salt of their life. I wanted to give them the best I can. Perhaps I am very limited in helping them in terms of academic but I wanted them to have the best, to achieve the best, and be the best; both in academic and moral ethics. I gave them my best. I loved them. I take them as my younger brothers and sisters. I love to refer them as 'my kids', my term of affection for them. *smile sweetly*
I NEVER fail to smile when I thought of all the times, where; I so wittily (is there such a word?) teased them, making them brawl in laughter and I will follow suit thereafter; when the "Black Metals" so eagerly come and talk to me after school; I terrorise the boys during NCC trainings; when I inspected with an eagle eye, each and every utensils and crockeries used after each practical lessons; how they made me laugh with their silly jokes and arguments and mutual teases; my friendship with the few of them; how I felt loved on those few occasions; my punishments for them for not bringing my subject's book to class; my casual chats with them after school (which means my marking will be procrastinated again).
Each form class that I took has their own unique dynamics. Funny how I adapted to it.
There was once, in year 2001, my then form class of sec 1/10, had this mini birthday gathering for me in school. Jasmine gave me a self-made invitation card (I simply LOVE self-made cards) and reminded me to turn up no matter what. They bought a cake for me, had went to each other's home to make Konnyaku Jellies during the night before, screamed, shouted, shrieked (basically only the gals did the shrieking part lah. HAHA) birthday song soooooooooo loudly that everything that has breath turned and stared at us. Even the teachers of the 2nd level also heard it so clearly. In fact they were soooooooo thoughtful that they didn't wanna miss out the other co-form teacher's birthday as well. They wanted to be fair. Though hers was already over, yet they still wanted this belated thingy for her too. so both of us got the cake. I was so touched. I tried so hard to fight the tears. It was tears of joy. As I move on in years, I know that I will never forget that very moment, that very class of sec 1/10 of year 2001.
Year 2002 and 2003 was a super tough year for me. My then simpler-minded class of 1/3 following up to 2/3 was of different dynamics. Nevertheless I still love them for being who they are. The Chinese boys especially, always amuses me, making me laugh non-stop. E.g there were a few times during their PE lessons, they spotted me going down the spiral staircase and walking towards their direction (coz I was on my way to canteen to pig out on the food). As I walked nearer towards them, one of the snakehead will greet out and drag very loudly "Miss Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..................................", while the rest of the Chinese munity followed on by the Malay Kampong, will echo after him, thus the result will be ALL of them dragging their greetings very loudly to me as "MISS HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE..........". I was very amused/embarrassed/shy. Tried hard to stifle my laughter, hushed them and marched straight into the canteen. The kids could tell that I was trying hard not to show my amusement. As I walked past them, they actually had the cheek to encourage me to laugh out if I want to.
Kid A: "Miss Hee, if you want to laugh must laugh out hor. Cannot keep inside. Wait tio lai siong ah."
(*Note to readers. Lai siong = internal injuries, in dialect)
Kid B: "Yah lorh. Don't geh geh and walk in front"
(*Note to readers. geh geh = to pretend that nothing had happened, in dialect again)
Kid C: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHA."
Me: "Yah yah. You guys better keep quiet or else Mrs Tan (the evil principal in their eyes) will come out instead. Some more Miss Liew now trying to take all of your body weights. See how fat you people are, then send you to torture regime; THE TAF CLUB"
Majority of the kids: "LET HER COME LORH. WE WILL DRAG HER NAME EVEN LONGER"
Everybody: "HAHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAH!!!!!!!!!!
Or another case, of mc-demanding. History of this is, whenever they return from absence from school, I will hunt them down for mc/letter of explanation like nobody's business. As it is a MUST that they produce valid reasons. Though frankly speaking letters are not quite valid lah. But again............... =
(Early in the morning during attendance taking)
Cute & short Sarhan: "Miss Hee!! Why you never come for 3 days ah? I bring all the aprons and everything on Friday leh. I want to cook. When I bring, your never come. When I never bring, you will come."
Me: *depression mode* "I sick lah."
Cute & short Sarhan: "OIC....... (stretches out a hand and imitates me).. GIVE ME YOUR MC NOW."
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAH!!!!"
The Black Metals of the class are actually made up of the 4 Indian girls. The nickname is given to them by this cute quiet-looking-but-not-innocent boy, xxx. They are sooooooooo sweet... ESPECIALLY Siti Asmah and Darishena. Siti and Darishe both speak very gently and docile manner. The other 2 gals, Hemadarshini and Maha Laxshmi, on the other hand, are very talkative and funny. But all four of them knew how to crack jokes well. There was once after their Maths remedial class, I spotted the 3 gals chatting, and Siti Asmah on the public phone in the canteen. As I walked over towards them, I heard Siti slammed the phone and came over. She then started sobbing.
Me: "What happened Siti?"
(I was sooooooooooo tempted to give her a loving reassurance hug but I can't cos there were other skeptical teachers around)
Siti: (still sobbing gently) "I called my mother and told her that my maths remedial class just finished and I am coming back home now. She don't believe I have maths remedial and scolded me."
Me: *gasped* "Then what did you do after that?"
Siti: "I slammed down the phone and came here."
Me: "Aiyohhhhhhhh...." (wiped the tears on her face and corner of her eyes)
3 gals: (At this point of time the other 3 gals were comforting the sobbing Siti) *conversing away in Tamil language*
Me: "Why don't I call your mum and explain to her that your Maths class is a last minunte thingy from your Maths teacher?"
Maha: "Yah Miss Hee, you must do so. Use your handphone. Hee hee"
Me: (dialed the correct number, chatted with Siti's mum for awhile)
Me: "Done, Siti! She doesn't know coz it is so last min and you didn't call her beforehand. I have already assured her that the next time any of such last min classes happens again, the teacher will write a note on your handbook to show to her, and that you will call her early before the start of the class."
Siti: "Thank you Miss Hee"
Me: "Now you drink this bubble tea of mine. You will feel better after that."
Siti: "Don't want. Don't want. That is your drink" *shy look*
Me: "Now, I always share my food and drinks with people I love. And for those closest to my heart, they get the 1st mouth of the food/drink. So now I am offering you the 1st mouth of my drink."
Siti: "Thank you Miss Hee." *smiles sweetly again*
Me: *aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwww*
It made me smile and happy to know that she is happy again. I want all of them to be happy. As long as they are happy, so will I.
I also feel that I owe ALL OF THEM AN APOLOGY. ALL the classes that I taught in the year 2003. Especially my form class of class 2/3 of year 2003. Due to the mental torture and depression, my temper was horrendously disgusting. I flared up even more easily. I screamed, shouted, shrieked, tortured, terrorized them. I seemed to be under the control of the devil, under his manipulation to bring fear and sadness around. I couldn't control myself. Tried so hard but couldn't. I was such a spicey bitch during that period. Yet the kids, especially my own form class, forgave me so easily, so magnanimously. They still continued to speak to me as per normal, as if nothing had happened. In fact, it was their presence that had kept me going on, kept me alive, saved me from doing any dumb things (eg. suicide) that may hurt my parents even more. Without them, I won't be here. A few of my kids from the previous class of 1/10 (2001), Fabian, NCC boys, were also the few angels who kept me alive and kicking till now! To all my kids out there whom I had screamed at then,
xia0miLk scribbled at 10:41 am.
(0) Tears of the bear
innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it that way
What Sign of Affection Are You?
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xia0miLk scribbled at 4:31 pm.
(0) Tears of the bear
I Am Very Thankful to be a Singaporean
-=[17th August 2004, Tuesday]=-
Feeling: thankful; venue: at home
Tell me the truth. Which part of me don't look like a typical chinese Singaporean? It was a tiring day for me (and my legs on the pair of killer high heels). I alighted from the mert (my term of affection for the local MRT train) at CityHall Mrt station feeling very lethargic and kinda stoned. As I was walking towards the gates of the station I heard someone beckoning out to me
Stranger: "Excuse me.."
Me: "huh?"
Stranger: "Urm.. Are you a local?"
Me: "What???"
*stunned at the question*
Stranger: "Are you a local?"
*meek look*
Me: "Yah....??"
*still stunned*
Stranger: " I see.... Can we exchange telephone numbers?"
Me: "Sorry but I don't give strangers my number."
*Me trying hard to put on a fierce don't-get-near-me look*
Stranger: "Can we exchange telephone numbers?"
Me: "I am sorry but i really do not give strangers my number."
*Tried to walk off*
Stranger: "I see... it's ok then. Thanks."
I dashed towards the gate, despite my unstable wobbly legs. Nopes i am not afraid of him. I just do not want him to get any more closer to me. I should have just frightened him off by telling him a lie, saying "Sorry but I am a lesbian thus i do not give any males (regardless of human/animal/amoeba/insect/crustacean/primate/aliens) my number". HAHAHA!!
I dunno why, but frankly I do NOT like to be mistaken as a non-Singaporean. Yesh I have the Singapore-blood flowing in me (nopes this has nothing to do with the recent National Day celebrations). I am proud to be a Singaporean, I love my homeland, Singapore. (sings: This is my land, an island where i wanna be. Land of my birth, where my heart longs to be.... la la la) Though it is juz a tiny dot on the world map, with no natural resources, with very limited entertainment, super duper expensive standards of living, no four seasons to play with, strict government, very restrictive etc ... I still LOVE SINGAPORE!! Even if u were to ask me to choose between being labelled me as a Singapore ah lian (*note: ah lians are like the local context of spice girls wannabes. Likes to shriek, speak very loudly, vulger mouthed and attention seeking) , or to deny Singapore and be classified as a woman with grace and class, I will still choose the 1st coz I simply love Singapore too much! And of coz I know that I simply do NOT fit into the ah lian cateogory. Heeeeeeee
Later on over dinner, i post-mortemed over what had happened earlier to Christy.
Me: "Tell me which part of me do not look like a local? Issit my tiny slit eyes? It made me look like a PRC? Or my skinny legs? Or my huge tummy?"
Christy: "The very 1st time i saw you in school, you look like a Japanese to me."
Me: *speechless*
Christy: "Yah you still looked like one now. Even if not so, you will be a half-Jap. I have always visualised your mum to be a half-Jap. That was when I haven't met your mum yet of coz."
Me: *Opened mouth to protest but no sounds came out.*
Ok I lost... But never mind. I still stand firm on my love towards Singapore. Why do I love Singapore so much? I guess it is not about the land, but is more about the people here. To be precise, my family, my friends, and any other people that had impacted me so much, made me feel loved and I love them too! I mean come on! There are no perfect place in the world for us to live in. Singapore itself is a pretty safe place to live in. I will dare to walk home alone late at night of 10.00pm coz I know that Singapore is a relatively 'safe' place to live in. But over in New York? Even if the streets is bustling with people around at that point of time, robbers, snatch thieves etc will still be daring enough to commit the crime under the nose of police!! True, there are no four seasons here, thus the weather is abit dull but hey! There are no natural calamities here for us to battle out too! Its true that there is not much exciting activities, such as snow boarding etc for our local youths to explore. But there are always other alternate excitements for them to choose from. Like bicycle stunts etc.
Of coz whatever I have listed out are just purely my views, out of my naive imbecile pea brains. It is not a representative of many other Singaporeans around. Being the all docile and submissive me, i find contentment in almost everything. I like to compare my situations with the other much-suffering people out there in the more rural world, where modern technology or even medicine is such a scarce. A typical computer that we are all using here will be a pentium 3? Yet some of the villages out in Thailand/China/India/(fill in the blanks) are only starting to learn how to use a 486 computer! The kind where most of the Singaporeans will be throwing out in sneer disgust. Also I do not live among the rubbish mountains, where alot of them exist in places such as Phillippines. "Then go live with them in the villages lah!" You may say. Nopes I won't go. I know that my life here is too comfortable for me, that I will not be able to survive there. Nopes, I also do not live in a comfortable 5-room flat with executive working parents. I live in a tiny 3-room flat, where my dad is only a taxi-driver, my mum is a school cleaner, my elder brother helps out in a char-kway teow stall, and me, a tiny insignificant civil servant. My parents take up a room, my bro take up the other room, and me? I sleep in the hall every night. Yes, that's how tiny my home is. But no I do not complain. I live a very simple and yet happy life. What else can I ask for? There are other Singaporeans out there in fact, without a decent home too! When I do the comparison, I just learn to treasure what I have now even more, and to thank GOD for whatever he has given to me. That is, he has given me a simple loving home, enough money to survive on, a simple life, a group of loving friends and students, no diseases, no physical handicap disability nor of any sort. Isn't that just good enough??
xia0miLk scribbled at 2:42 pm.
(4) Tears of the bear
Very Loved and Warm....
-=[13th August 2004, Friday]=-
Feeling: very loved and warm; venue: at home
Dear GOD,
WaW today's service is soooooooo.... urm ...... heartwarming =) It is my church's (City-Harvest Church) 15th Year anniversary. Right at the beginning after the praise and worship, they presented the different ministries in the church in all sorts of creative ways. Man! Were they creative and funny! I laughed/amused/enjoyed myself sooooooooooo much!! Each of the ministry shows how the church members so willingly to help out in GOD's house, and in doing so also serves HIM. Then we sang the 'We're a family' song... I was very touched... very emotional.. Its been a long time since i felt so... urm.. "belong in the church" .... I dunno... i am now in cg W185.. the feeling is so different.. i dun feel quite 'in the cg' .... i guess its a personal barrier lah. Problem lies with ME. Not them. It was juz soooooooooo different from W36. *Deep thoughts here*
After the entire service, i juz had the urge to sms ONE of my many angels (my kid in school. I still remember that on the fateful Monday of 2002, I just take it anymore but to drop tears during class. That was during class 2/10 and they were actually having a class test then! Liying actually came up to me and gave me her friendship band and also told me that she loved me. WOAH sensing their love for me made me weeped even more) that brought so much smiles and joy to me, Liying, to tell her that i love her. Liying is also a fellow city-harvester. She is a good role model for me to follow in terms of loving and serving GOD. Actually another angel aka good fren, Benjamin (*note: This Benjamin BOY was also my student) is also a good role model for me to follow. He managed to get different friends to attend the special service. Though he had to attend all 3 days of service, he still obliged. Now isnt that something good for me to learn from? I should feel ashamed of myself rite? But NO WAY am i gonna sms him and tell him i love him. Why? BECOZ HE IS A MALE. Though i do have the SISTERLY love for him, I still shouldnt do so. =
(Flashback to year 2000. I am always doing so.)
(Meanwhile in a remote part of the tiny island, SG, in front of another monitor, a fellow reader mumbles: "WHAT?? U have nothing else to blog about issit? Why always flash back?!?!?!!!???")
That was the year I had the Op. Catherine and Evelyn came to visit me. Catherine also prayed for me over the phone when I was in misery pain. I was very touched. I was so touched that I wanted to go back to GOD again. It was very fun then... i still remember the days where I will struggle to wake up slightly early, create excuses just to go church. Then together with a few other members of the cg, we will queue up together, talk cock/laugh hysterially/tease/makefun/(insert in fun activities) alll the way till the doors open. Usually the few people queuing up will be teasing Evelyn non-stop. Hee hee heeee... Poor thing that girl. Then we will all gush in to book seats for our fellow cell group members. heeeeee. Then after service we will usually go out and fellowship for some time, before heading home feeling exhausted. But it was good =) During all those short fellowships really build up alot of bonds among us. During the cell group meetings on Wednesday nights, i always go all the way down to Jurong East, to Grace's house, drained of energy, for cell group. Bro Victor will lead us into praise and worship then thereafter guide us during the 'lesson'. MingKun will usually be the one to play on the guitar. Then afterwhich is fellowship for us.
XiaoFang, Evelyn's cellgroup leader was also very sweet to me. There was 1 service when Evelyn accompained me to. XiaoFang didn't had to go. But she wanted to accompany me too. Though eventually she didnt go coz she was late, but after the service, she was waiting downstairs for us, just to give me a 'pass-it-on' card, where she wrote words of encouragement to me. Now isn't she such a sweet thing? She got married last year and had followed her husband to USA since Dec 2003 for a duration of a year or 2. I am overjoyed for her to have found the person to love and take care of her, for this angel truly deserves it =)
For the past 6mths in TRACOM, i had the W36 cell group's photo in 8R size on my cupboard. I have always loved them and will always do. Though I had left them for about... 3 years? I still am grateful to them and love them too. People like Bro Victor, HaiQi, Catherine, Junior, ChunHwee, MingKun, Shawn, Jeffrey etc. The footsteps that you people had left in my heart is deeply imprinted..
"We are a family that loves, loves, loves, loves one another
We are a family that trusts, trust, trusts, for we are sisters and brothers
Thru sunshine or rain, we're a family just the same.
We are a family that loves, loves, loves, loves one another"
xia0miLk scribbled at 11:19 pm.
(0) Tears of the bear
-=[13th August 2004, Friday]=-
Feeling: contented; venue: at home
My japanese name is 浜野 Hamano (seaside field) 美晴 Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.
Welllll.... i was reading thru journals and chanced upon this entry, a link from
Shaun's friend,
Kim (heeeeeeeeeee hope you don't mind me putting you in the link *smiles sweetly*) ... so i went in to generate for fun... and HEY got my jap name! Hrmz... coincidentally, my Chinese name is supposed to mean 'beautiful clouds' *blush* .. Well my looks is nowhere near there of coz =). I love all these quizzy thingy... Esp the ones from Quizilla So interesting. So you will be able to catch me posting up those stuffs in blog more often. Its good to blog about different things once in awhile... rather than getting all emotional/moody/feeling-feeling/nostalgic aaaaaallllllll de time.
xia0miLk scribbled at 12:24 pm. (0) Tears of the bear